Again, It Ain't for Sissies

She's still here!  There have been times she's wished she wasn't, but she is. 

I have now had three IV chemo and three radiation treatments, and we care finally getting the pain under control.  The spasms have eased up, and there is less bone pain.

It has been a tough three weeks.  It's been tough on my husband, and it has been tough on my family.  They have been forced to contend with things that no one should have to go through.  

There have been crying spells, there has been great depression.  There have been spasms of incredible pain where everyone feels helpless, because no one can do anything. 

I have never felt sicker, or more helpless in my life.  I cannot dress or bathe myself without help.  I cannot move my left leg without help.  I cannot turn over in the bed without help.  Me, who has always been independent and self sufficient.  Me, who has always been the nurse, now needs  a nurse.  I don't know who I am anymore.

Cancer is a horrible disease.  It affects everyone connected to the patient.  It devours them.  No wonder so many families fall apart because of this monster.

I have Macho Man, who has been right by my side.  I have my wonderful daughter, Elisa, who works her heart out every far-reaching, then comes home every night and cooks and cares for me.  I have her patient, loving hubby, Paul, who is gracefully watching while his home is being turned into a hospital. There is Princess Baby Girl, Victoria, who not only has turned her bedroom over to us, but has given us her car.  Then there is Tommy, her boyfriend, who has become her chauffeur so we can use her car.

I am blessed.