Sunday, January 29, 2017

Day By Day, A Litte at the Time

Imagine going to the ER for one thing, and finding out you really have something else. What if that other thing is cancer?

Macho Man and I found ourselves in just that situation this week.  Tuesday morning while the medical staff was working me up for a broken hip the found that was the least of my worries, because what I really had was a broken pelvic bone caused by a big, ugly Stage IV bladder cancer that has spread to the bone.

I am at my daughters home now, after five days of exhaustive testing to find out where we are now, and where we are going.

Where we are is pretty simple.  I have bladder cancer.  It is Stage IV, with metastasis to the left pelvic bone.  It is inoperable, because of the overgrowth of blood vessels, making it very possible I might bleed out during surgery.  There is nothing we can do with the left hip fracture until we can do something with the cancer.

Where we are going is something else.  Monday I meet with the Oncologist to work up my  chemo and radiation treatment plan.  Then I have to meet with the Pain Management Team, to work out my pain meds, keeping in mind that I can't get some of the pain meds they use while I am in Honduras.

Right now the overview is that I will start chemo and radiation here in South Florida, then continue treatment in San Pedro Sula.  I will go the chemo route as long as it seems to be shrinking the cancer.  When it is no longer working, I will stop and let go.

We are all grieving in our own way.  I am at peace with the diagnosis.  I am not afraid of dying.  I am afraid to leave Macho Man.  Thirty-one years with him, and  I'm not ready to leave my life as it is.

I want to see Victoria finish her education, get married, have babies.  I want to have a good relationship with my granddaughter, Rachel.  I haven't seen Rachel, to be with her, in over twenty-five years.  I want to meet her children.

There are so many things I want to do,  places I want to go, things I want to see.  And I'm going to do and see some of them.

Macho Man has been so wonderful helping me with everything, from getting a shower to getting to the dinner table.  He holds me tight when the pain attacks and will not let me go. And he cries when I cry.

I will fight day by day, step by step.  One of the ways I will fight is to update you when I can.  I invite you to take this journey with me.

I am blessed!


  1. Very good start to your blog, Patty. I just hate the topic and wish I could change it, but I know you are tough, strong, and a good fighter. Those doctors don't know everything. And God still performs miracles. Remember that I'm carrying you in my heart. Your cuz, Sara

  2. I think this is a good idea too.....I hate that this is happening to you...but I'm glad you are positive and that you have family and friends supporting you.....I'll come see you when you get back........deni..;)

  3. I think that is an excellent idea. You and your family are in our prayers. Hugs & love.