Step by Step

Today I went to visit the oncologist, Dr. Zafar, and set up the treatment plan.  It was scary.  I will lose my hair, what little bit I have.  There is a chance it will make me nauseated, and I start it Wednesday.

Dr. Zafar uses cisplatin in conjunction with another drug which I can't remember.  I will take it IV once a week for 3 weeks.

I used the walker last night to get from the bed to the bathroom, and it was a challenge.  I'm thinking more and more I should bring the Scooter in and use it.  

At least Dr. Zafar seems to understand that I can't fight the cancer if I am fighting the pain, so she wrote me a prescription for  a Fentanyl patch, which she wants me to use along with the Percocet I already have.  Of course, when Juan went to the pharmacy, they wouldn't fill the Rx because they say she didn't put how many patches to dispense.  Sooo, the pain control plan has been delayed until I can go by her office tomorrow.

This pain I am having is incredible.  It is a result of the pelvic fracture, and it feel like I have a knife sticking in me from just above my left gluteal fold to hip level.  It is intense.  I would rather have babies.  

Then there is that pesky referred pain that goes down my left thigh every time I make a step. And the spasms in my bladder which are pretty much under control.

The bleeding from the cancer seems to have stopped for now, and my hemoglobin has risen from 10.3 to 11.2. That's a good thing.

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my PMD, Dr. Hirsch, so he can write all my referrals and get permission from the insurance company to start the chemo.

This has nothing to do with my journey, other than it's an aggravation I don't need.  When we picked up our rental car at the airport, we were told we could return it to any agency without a drop off fee.  We were also told we could extend the lease at any agency...NOT.  I did get the lease extended online, but we do have to return it to the airport.

Today has been rather stressful, but it ended up with good company, around a fire pit, eating S'mores.

I am blessed.

Day By Day, A Litte at the Time

Imagine going to the ER for one thing, and finding out you really have something else. What if that other thing is cancer?

Macho Man and I found ourselves in just that situation this week.  Tuesday morning while the medical staff was working me up for a broken hip the found that was the least of my worries, because what I really had was a broken pelvic bone caused by a big, ugly Stage IV bladder cancer that has spread to the bone.

I am at my daughters home now, after five days of exhaustive testing to find out where we are now, and where we are going.

Where we are is pretty simple.  I have bladder cancer.  It is Stage IV, with metastasis to the left pelvic bone.  It is inoperable, because of the overgrowth of blood vessels, making it very possible I might bleed out during surgery.  There is nothing we can do with the left hip fracture until we can do something with the cancer.

Where we are going is something else.  Monday I meet with the Oncologist to work up my  chemo and radiation treatment plan.  Then I have to meet with the Pain Management Team, to work out my pain meds, keeping in mind that I can't get some of the pain meds they use while I am in Honduras.

Right now the overview is that I will start chemo and radiation here in South Florida, then continue treatment in San Pedro Sula.  I will go the chemo route as long as it seems to be shrinking the cancer.  When it is no longer working, I will stop and let go.

We are all grieving in our own way.  I am at peace with the diagnosis.  I am not afraid of dying.  I am afraid to leave Macho Man.  Thirty-one years with him, and  I'm not ready to leave my life as it is.

I want to see Victoria finish her education, get married, have babies.  I want to have a good relationship with my granddaughter, Rachel.  I haven't seen Rachel, to be with her, in over twenty-five years.  I want to meet her children.

There are so many things I want to do,  places I want to go, things I want to see.  And I'm going to do and see some of them.

Macho Man has been so wonderful helping me with everything, from getting a shower to getting to the dinner table.  He holds me tight when the pain attacks and will not let me go. And he cries when I cry.

I will fight day by day, step by step.  One of the ways I will fight is to update you when I can.  I invite you to take this journey with me.

I am blessed!