Back to Square One

I finally met up with my new Oncologist, Dr. Taub.  I like him much better.  He is very clear with what his treatment plan.  He is aggressive and he is clear about what he can do, and what he can't do.

I say we are back to square one, because Dr. Taub is starting a new chemo routine of high dose chemo given once every three weeks.  It is cancer specific, and attacks the malignant cells, but not the healthy cells. 

Dr. Taub didn't hesitate to up my pain medicines, and finally my pain is pretty much under control.  There's not much we can do for the nerve pain, but I am going to start a combination of B vitamins that is suppose to help.

I am having an access port put in this week.  For those who aren't familiar with ports, this is a semi-permanent way to give fluids and draw lab specimens, etc, without having to look for a vein every time you need access.  It goes through a large vein into the heart.  This is how I will get my chemo without burning up all my veins.  After I finish chemo, they can take it out.

I thought the other Oncologist, Dr. Zafar, was radiating both my pelvis and the tumor.  Guess what, not so. She was just radiating the pelvis. We will probably start radiating the tumor pretty soon, because Dr. Taub was a wee bit irritated that she didn't do that.

I asked Dr. Taub if I could travel, because I really, really want to go home.  He says travel is very risky and he doesn't recommend it.  I may go anyway.  

We have figured out a way that Juan can travel without me, between treatments.  That makes him happy, because he is super homesick.

It seems that after a rocky start things are finally coming together.  

 I am blessed.

Again, It Ain't for Sissies

She's still here!  There have been times she's wished she wasn't, but she is. 

I have now had three IV chemo and three radiation treatments, and we care finally getting the pain under control.  The spasms have eased up, and there is less bone pain.

It has been a tough three weeks.  It's been tough on my husband, and it has been tough on my family.  They have been forced to contend with things that no one should have to go through.  

There have been crying spells, there has been great depression.  There have been spasms of incredible pain where everyone feels helpless, because no one can do anything. 

I have never felt sicker, or more helpless in my life.  I cannot dress or bathe myself without help.  I cannot move my left leg without help.  I cannot turn over in the bed without help.  Me, who has always been independent and self sufficient.  Me, who has always been the nurse, now needs  a nurse.  I don't know who I am anymore.

Cancer is a horrible disease.  It affects everyone connected to the patient.  It devours them.  No wonder so many families fall apart because of this monster.

I have Macho Man, who has been right by my side.  I have my wonderful daughter, Elisa, who works her heart out every far-reaching, then comes home every night and cooks and cares for me.  I have her patient, loving hubby, Paul, who is gracefully watching while his home is being turned into a hospital. There is Princess Baby Girl, Victoria, who not only has turned her bedroom over to us, but has given us her car.  Then there is Tommy, her boyfriend, who has become her chauffeur so we can use her car.

I am blessed.